Chuckling is more in the Throat
by Eye of the Needle
Summary: slash, HPDM lots of other pairings too. MPREG. Disclaimer: Don't own: Harry Potter, The Wizard of Oz,...oh hell, basically we just own the minimuffins CO WRITTEN BY Reason For Laughing but I didn't just admit that
1. Chapter 1

Harry sat staring out of his window, tears rolling down his cheek as he reminisced, his head resting on the chest of someone he never expected would be there for him.

"What happened?" a soft voice lulled in his ear.

"I made a mistake." Harry sighed. "I thought she was the one, but then…" Harry could see why he was even considering telling this. He hadn't even told his best friends, why he would tell-

"Who was she?" the voice asked.

"You're going to think I'm stupid." Harry stalled

"Probably, but I wont laugh."

"Hélène." Hélène was a transfer from Buaxbatons. She was also a vela, damn them, what is it in their silver blond hair and sparkling eyes that was so enchanting.

"Hélène?" the voice chuckled.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Harry said, continuing to stall.

"I didn't, I chuckled." The voice said triumphantly.

"Chuckling is the same thing." Harry pouted.

"No it isn't! Chuckling is more in the throat." The voice chuckled. "Besides, we're getting off topic."

"No, we just changed topics!" Harry insisted.

"You're not getting off that easy, what happened?"

"Well, she's vela, and I would have dreams about her."

"Dreams aren't a normal symptom." The voice said. "What kind of dreams were they?"

"Well, they were pretty strange."

Silver blond hair, sparkling eyes, a flash of light, golden bed sheets, an open window, with curtains flapping in a morning breeze, a slender hand on his chest. Harry awoke from his dream wondering who this mystery person was. He never saw a face; he just saw some hair, and not even the length of it. And those eyes, so hauntingly beautiful.

Harry walked down to breakfast and sat down next to Ron and Hermione. He thought about telling them about his dream, but he thought this should be one thing he would keep from his friends.

"Are you okay Harry?" Ron asked "You were sighing in you're sleep last night, you seemed eerily calm."

"Calm is bad?" Hermione chuckled.

"No, but usually when Harry makes noises in his sleep, it's one of those, you-know-who dreams."

"I'll tell you about it later, I'm running late." Harry said as he ran off.

"But…we don't have class today." Ron trailed off as he watched Harry speed away.

"So the dream was about Hélène?" the voice asked.

"Well, yeah." Harry said, confused about why anyone could not get that. "Who else could it be? I mean, she's the only girl with hair and eyes like that."

"But in the dreams, you never saw the face?" the voice insisted.

"Well, no, but who else could it be?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, but it might be someone else, someone you never thought of."

"I never thought of that, but something about the person seemed familiar."

Harry ran down the hall and accidentally bumped into a girl he hadn't really met yet. She had silver hair and sparkling eyes. It was Hélène, the vela. Harry was sure she was the one from his dream. After all, she had the hair the eyes, it had to be her.

Harry didn't know what came over him. He suddenly just seemed to step out of his body and go on auto-pilot. He snapped. Hélène screeched as Harry leapt at her.

"You leapt at her?" the voice chuckled.

"Well, not exactly leapt." Harry sighed. "More like sweeping in on her neck."

"Her neck?" the voice was laughing now. "What are you, a vampire?"

"Can we get back to the story?"

"Avoiding answering Harry?" the voice went back to chuckling, "You must be hiding something!"

"Shut up."

Harry apologized profusely to Hélène, and she gracious said she wouldn't tell anyone about it. Gracious my ass, Harry thought, she didn't want anyone to know. Harry kept having dreams like the one before, just as strange.

"Draco?" Harry asked.

"Yes." The voiced answered.

"Are there male vela?"

"No." Draco stated. "Why do you ask?"

"Because, the dream was about you." Harry said "And I never thought that I was… I mean, I'm not… but if it's been you all along, then I am…but I can't be because…"

"Why not?" Draco asked.

"Well, because… I don't know."

"It's ok Harry."

"No it's not. Draco, you don't understand!"

"No, Harry I don't, what's wrong?"

"I…I…I…I…"

"I love you Harry."

_Love you Harry_

_I Love_

_Love you_

_Harry_

_Harry I love_

_Love _

_You I Harry, Love you_

_I love you Harry_

The scene that met Harry's eyes seemed to freeze and then shatter into a million pieces. As the pieces disappeared they gave way to black.

Harry woke up in his four poster bed, sweat dripping down his head. He climbed out of the portrait whole and ran down halls and stairs not knowing where to. He threw open a door to see Draco Malfoy, just standing there, completely naked.

"Hello Harry." Draco said seductively. "Looking for something?"

"I dunno…" Harry stuttered, not used to seeing another guy so nonchalantly nude right in front of him. Harry almost gawked at Draco's quite impressive length, at only half erect, Draco was at least eight inches.

"Really now." Draco said, puffing on a cigarette Harry never noticed before. "You barge in here so adamantly, and stare at my quite impressive dick, yet you don't know what you're looking for? Besides Harry, pajama pants aren't very good for hiding tent poles."

Harry looked down at his striped pajama pants to see that Malfoy was right. Crap. He blushed from ear to ear and Draco came closer and removed Harry's clothes.

"Bloody hell!" Harry groaned. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Only what you want." Draco started to nibble on Harry's ear as he kicked Harry's striped pajamas out of the way.

"Wait!" Harry yelled, "I don't have striped pajamas!"

Harry felt himself spinning, but he wasn't at Hogwarts anymore, he was in a small house that was flying, so it was more like being thrown, in a cyclone? And why was he in a dress? Harry felt the house begin to fall as he was forced up to the roof until…

"Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong the wicked Witch is dead!"

Harry felt dizzy the Munchkins were circling around him, there singing now unintelligible. They started to blur as they circled faster and faster, until they just became a coloured streak wrapped around him. Harry felt nauseous and fell over. The circle of blurred Munchkins spread out and expanded to a larger circle. Harry saw a glint of silver as Draco stepped out of the circle, clad only in the cigarette he remembered from, that room.

"Come on Harry," Draco said, his voice distant and echoing. "What's wrong?"

Harry was in a room with an open window and gold bed sheets he saw Draco there with his blond hair, sparkling eyes, and a slender hand on his chest.

"Finally awake sleeping beauty?" Draco chuckled, "I guess this was your best time."

"First actually." Harry said

"Figured, I knew that we would end up together." Draco cooed

"When?" Harry asked.

"When you told me about your "vela" dreams."

"But I thought that…"

"Well you were a bit resistant, but after you regained consciousness, we got down to business." Draco said, stroking Harry's lower back.

"Where are we?" Harry inquired.

"The room of requirement."

"Draco?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Before I passed out, when you said you loved me, did you mean it?"

"I love you Harry," Draco lulled kissing the top of Harry's head.


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't know." Harry sighed under the golden sheets.

"What don't you know?" Draco asked.

"Well, you and I have been, well, enemies for ever since we met really."

"Yes, and…"

"I don't know."

"I noticed." Draco chuckled.

"Sooner or later you'll find that some wizarding families are better then others." Draco sneered. "I can help you there."

"I think I can find the wrong sort for myself thanks." Harry sneered back.

"Yes, yes," Draco sighed, "I remember it all quite well, but this is different Harry."

"But how do I know that?" Harry asked.

"I love you Harry." Draco said, "That's how."

Harry seemed satisfied and went back to sleep, but Draco remained awake.

Draco sulked out of Harry's train compartment back to his own. Later that day at the feast, he couldn't take his sparkling eyes off of the Boy Who Lived.

"Draco?" the scratchy voice that was Crabbe asked.

"What?" Draco snapped.

"Wadder ya looking at?" Crabbe drawled.

"I don't know." Draco said.

"Hello, welcome to your first day of charms class in your most fateful seventh year." Professor Flitwick chirped, "As you know, you will be taking the NEWTS this year, therefore we must work extra hard this year, but I assume there will be no distractions as you will not be aloud to leave the grounds during school, no, not even to Hogsmead."

The class murmured and groaned.

"Now, now students." Flitwick exclaimed. "Really you should all understand, as He-who-must-not-be-named is yet again on the loose, many ancient spells and charms are protecting the school and it's grounds, which, I daresay, make it next to impossible to leave."

The class groaned again.

"I know I know, I don't like it either, I rather enjoyed a nice mulled mead at a bar with some other faculty, but alas, we must get to work." The charms teacher said, "Today we will be working on the vignette charm. This usually comes up on your practical NEWTS, now; the vignette charm engenders a sort of memory in the receiver. This memory is faint and is often mistaken for premonitions or suppressed memories. Today we will work on the basics, you will attempt to create a memory in your partner, as this is basic you will have no control over the memory, more experienced casters can control the specifics of the memory to influence judgment. We will discuss the practical uses tomorrow. The incantation is, _Engender._ And pronunciation is key, it is en-jzan-day, if you say en-gen-der, then plants will sprout from your partner's ears. Ah, yes this is a non-verbal spell. Your partner's name is on your slip of parchment."

Draco stood waiting as Harry cast the spell at him…

"Draco! Draco! Come on honey, It's time for dinner!" a calming voice called for him.

"I'm coming." Draco answered. He ran to the kitchen to find Harry, clad only in straps of studded leather on his dinning room table.

"Come on big boy," Harry hissed seductively, "Time for dinner!"

Draco walked to the table and started to nibble on Harry's ear.

"Mmmmm, Draco," Harry sighed, and Draco began to stroke Harry's rather impressive dick. "Draco! Draco! Draco!"

"Draco! Draco!" Harry huffed, blushing, "Get off me, what are you doing!"

Draco suddenly pulled off Harry mortified, he realized that he was acting out the dream on his dark haired partner.

"What the hell kind of memory were you giving me?" Draco hissed.

"I don't know, but after right now I think I got the jist of it." Harry said nervously.

"Well done Harry, well done indeed!" After Professor Flit6wick said this the class stared at him, "You've showed the class the usefulness of this charm, If strong enough, the vignette charm can get someone so wrapped up in the spells fake memory that they confuse it with reality."

_Engender!_

Draco climbed the latter to the high dive above the pool.

Draco climbed to the top of the North tower, high above the lake.

Draco leapt off the high dive, the wind rustling his hair.

Draco leapt off the north tower, and from the Gryffindor common room, a dark hair boy saw him fall and shouted, "ARESTO MOMENTUM!"

Draco woke up in a bed with golden sheets, dazed and confused.

"Good morning star shine," Harry smiled. "The earth says hello!"

"Where am I?" Draco asked groggily.

"The room of requirement, you fell off the north tower, but I got you." Harry said.

"Thanks." Draco smiled.

"Come on big boy!" Harry lulled. "Time for dinner."


	3. Chapter 3

"Wow." That was all Draco could say.

"Yeah," Harry agreed out of breath, "That was amazing."

"Certainly the best I'd been hearing." Came a strange voice from under the bed. Harry and Draco stared wide-eyed at each other; they didn't realize there was someone under the bed

"Dobby?" Harry asked, "Is that you?"

"Yes Harry Potter it is me, and I must be saying that you and Draco Malfoy seemed to be enjoying it more than the others."

"The others?" Draco asked.

"Oh yes." Dobby exclaimed, still under the bed, "Dobby is hearing many peoples, Professor Snape and Neville, Fred and George, but Hagrid and Dumbledore weigh down the bed the most, then of course there is Dean and Seamus, Ron and Hermione, Crabbe and Goyle, oh and-"

"Dobby." Harry said.

"Yes Harry Potter?"

"Too much information." Harry sighed.

"Draco!" Harry moaned, clutching the bedpost tightly. He could feel his once nemesis pulling at his sides and thrusting into Harry. He tried to hold on, arching his back against it, but he couldn't help spilling his seed as Draco spilled his own inside Harry.

"Harry?" Ron asked.

"Yeah,"

"Where were you last night?"

"I was," Harry wasn't sure whether or not to tell Ron and Hermione about Draco, "I'll tell you later."

"Harry." Hermione started but Harry had already gotten up and was walking out of the great hall.

Draco shuddered with delight as another wave of pleasure washed over him. He felt Harry start a trail down his chest with kisses and nips. Harry paused for a moment, looking Draco in the eyes and smirking, before pouncing on the other's exposed chest and gently nibbling on Draco's nipples. Draco arched into the contact, grabbing tightly to Harry's back, leaving red marks from his fingernails. Harry moaned and released his dominant position to Draco, who gladly took over.

"Draco?" Snape snapped.

"Yes? Uh sir?" Malfoy answered still lost in memory.

"If you are going to learn occlumency, it is recommended not to reminisce!" he paused, then muttered under his breath, so Draco couldn't hear him. "Especially if you are going to reminisce about recent sex."

"Sorry professor, but I still don't understand why I am here."

"Because Draco, you will need to learn this before the end."

_Engender!_

Harry stood up on a stage, the spotlight almost blinding him.

"What's the time?

Well it's gotta be close to midnight,

My body's talking to me,

It says time for danger.

It says I wanna commit a crime

I wanna be the cause of a fight,

I wanna put on a tight skirt,

And flirt with a stranger.

I've had a knack,

From way back,

At breakin the rules

Once I learned the games.

Get up!

Life's too quick,

I know someplace sick!

Where this chick'll dance through the flames!

We don't need any money,

I always get it for free!

You can get in too,

If you get in with me!

Let's go out tonight,

I haveta go, out tonight.

You wanna play?

Let's run away

We won't be back before its New Years day!

Take me out tonight

Meow

When I get away from the doorman,

Do you know how lucky you'll be?

That you're on line with the feline,

Of avenue B

Let's go out tonight!

I haveta go, out tonight.

You wanna prowl?

Be my night owl!

So take my hand we're gonna

Howl, out tonight!

In the evening I got to roam,

Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome,

Feel's to damn much like home

Where the Spanish babies cry

So let's find a bar,

So dark we forget who we are!

Where all the scars from the "nevers" and "maybes"

Fade

Lets go out tonight!

I haveta go, out tonight!

You're sweet

Wanna hit the street?

Wanna wail at the moon,

Like a cat in heat

Just take me out tonight

Please take me out tonight!

Don't forsake me,

Out tonight

I'll letcha make me,

Howl tonight

Tonight

Tonight

Tonight!"

The crowd roared as Harry finished his song.

The school gasped as Harry finished signing his song on top of the Gryffindor table during breakfast. They soon realized something was up as he passed out onto Seamus's eggs.

Harry awoke in the hospital wing to the sounds of whispers, but didn't open his eyes.

"Vignette charm Poppy?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes Professor."

"It seems that Voldemort is covering all his bases."

"But what about all the spells protecting the students?" Poppy asked nervously.

"They're obviously not working well enough." Dumbledore admitted and then left to his office.

Poppy bustled around the hospital wing, compulsively tidying her already spotless infirmary.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Mr. Potter,

We regret to inform you of the tragic death of Mr. Remus Lupin. The memorial service will be held on the 21 of this coming March. The reading of the Will will commence the next day at noon. Have a nice day.

Jacob Turtlehed

Ministry of Magic

Department of Law

Harry started to cry when he read that his good friend was dead.

"What is it?" Draco asked upon seeing the Boy Who Lived cry.

"Lupin died." Harry managed. "But I have the strangest feeling that he and Sirius are fucking right above our heads."

"Wait," Harry's ex-nemisis-current-lover-blond-haired-silver-eyed-seveteen-year-old-eventually-to-be-hubby interrupted, "Would that fucking be a adjective, or verb."

"Both." Harry chuckled.

"Who was Lupin again?" Draco asked.

"3rd year Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher" Harry sighed.

"Was he the fat one?"

"No, that was Umbridge, who happened to be a woman."

"That was a woman?" Draco exclaimed.

"Yes. Lupin was the Werewolf."

"Oh."

"The ants go marching two by two. Hurrah! Hurrah!"

"First years," Ron sighed as he walked down the hall with his best friend.

"Yeah," Harry sighed in return "What are ya gonna do with them?"

"Shoot them." Ron stated rather bluntly. Upon hearing this the first years ended their rendition of "The Ants Go Marching" and ran to the nearest teacher and clung to his or her legs.

"Dear lord, what is that smell?" The Dark lord sneered.

"Cat litter," Lucius admitted, "I brought my cat along with me."

"Are you ready for the random fact of the day?" the Dark Lord asked Lucius. He nodded. "Alright. Did you know that the name Lucius originated from Lucifer, which is only kind of funny because everyone who has had that name throughout history has been evil-ish, which is funny because it's translation from some dead language has something to do with light."

"Bringer of Light." Lucius finessed.

"Yes, that." The Dark Lord quipped. "Wait, why did you bring your cat?"

"Well," Lucius said reluctantly, "It's afraid of houses when no one is around, and Narcissa is away learning how to strip."

"Really now?"

"Yes, she found out I was cheating with you, and wanted to bring more excitement into the bedroom."

"No, I meant about the cat."

"Mini muffins are god's gift to the world. Screw life, and all that other bollocks. It's just the mini muffins." Harry chuckled as he shoveled yet another mini muffin into his already full mouth.

"Man, what did you put in these, Harry?" Draco chuckled.

"This interesting muggle herb, it's called, mara-something." Harry managed to say out of his mouth still stuffed with mini muffins.

"Well whatever it is," Draco paused to have a fit of laughter. "It's bloody brilliant."

Harry finished his mini muffins and jumped on top of Draco, starting to drool.

"Did you know that apparently," Draco started, waving his hand around aristocratically. "That the song "Puff the Magic Dragon" is about stuff like this? These-these muggle herbs things."

Harry's muscles tensed, as he stood by the half-open coffin, baring the body of Harry's godfather's lover.

"Relax," Draco whispered in his ear. "You never know when you can get lucky in a place like this."

Harry and Draco locked eyes, then looked at a nearby broom closet. Harry grinned as he ran with his ex-nemisis-really-current-lover-and-about-to-be-more-current-blond-haired-silver-eyed-seveteen-year-old-eventually-to-be-hubby towards the closet.

Ron stared at their retreating form, before turning to Hermione. "Whaddaya think they're gonna do in the broom closet?" Ron asked.

"I haven't the slightest," Hermione sighed, turning away, blushing.

"Right," Ron said, trying to suppress a grin. "I'm sure they're just having tea or something."

Draco turned towards Harry. "More tea, darling?" he asked, pouring himself another cup.

"Draco!" Harry gasped, "Is it just me, or are you suddenly about five feet longer than usual?"

"No Harry," Draco chuckled, "That's a mop."

"Oh yeah, there's the fuzzy end."

"No, Harry. That's me."

_Engender!_

Draco was a happy billy goat. He had a nice coat of silvery white. He also had a nice meadow under him. He started to nibble contently on the nice thick patch of grass.

Harry shuddered with delight as another wave of pleasure washed over him. He felt Draco begin nibbling on Harry's nipples. Harry sighed in contentment, when suddenly Draco baaed.


	5. Chapter 5

ENTER: Jacques the Jewish vampire with an irrational fear of renovators. He also is allergic to onions, and shellfish. But otherwise he's a completely normal vampire; except for the fact he lives in Norway, and speaks fluent French/Spanish/English. But he vacations in the room of requirement because he can't afford a real Caribbean vacation.

He suddenly removed his hands from the other man's shoulders with a sigh. "You are such a massage whore!"

Jacques walked into the room of requirement in a Speedo, holding a beach umbrella, and sunscreen, returning having realized that one generally cannot get a tan in the moonlight.

"Bonjour!" Jacques greeted, "Désole, I didn't know this room was being used. ¡Un momento! You wouldn't happen to be renovators, would you?"

"Uh no," Harry said sheepishly as he covered himself with the golden sheet, "Why?"

"No reason," Jacques answered.

"Well," Draco said, "I helped renovate the Slytherin common room."

"AHHHHHHHHHHH" Jacques screamed, running out of the room.

"Well," Riddle snapped at Lucius, "Which one is it?"

"I don't know my lord." Lucius answered

"They both fit perfectly."

Harry sat across the table staring into the sparkling eyes of his Draco. He grinned realizing that they had already shagged twice, but this was their first date. As he was mentally undressing his boyfriend, Harry realized that Draco had been talking.

Harry felt a feeling of comfort as he hear Draco's soft breath in his ear, and Draco's long slender finger on his bare chest. Make that three times, Harry thought with a smile.

SHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"WHAT!" Draco shouted.

"I'm pregnant," Harry repeated.

"How?"

"You were there Draco, you shouldn't need a diagram!" Harry said tensely.

"I know but life isn't a m-preg fic!"

"Apparently it is!" Harry bellowed.

"Sorry. What about gender?"

"Well, males have xy chromosomes, so we can use the square prediction method," Harry said.

X

Y

X

XX

XY

Y

XY

YY

"What's xx?" Draco asked.

"Female." Harry answered.

"And yy?" Draco inquired, nervous because both genders had already been used.

"That's a theoretical third gender, it's never happened before though."

"Well," Dumbledore sighed, "I can't say this happens all the time, but it has happened before, although this is the first time it has happened with to guys. You two will move into one of the suites, it has a bedroom, a bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. It is still cleaned by the house elves."

"Erm thanks." Harry murmured.

"Now Harry," Dumbledore continued, "Male pregnancy is a bit different from female pregnancy, gestation is only three months. You will however, still experience craving and mood swings. And despite common belief, sex is not forbidden during male pregnancy."

"But," Harry asked "Where will the baby come out?"

"You have an option there, naturally, it will come out, well, the same way the sperm went in." Harry blushed before Dumbledore could continue. "However, many people decide to get a c-section."

"Thanks Professor." Draco said.

Harry stood in his kitchen doing the dishes in just an apron. Draco walked in and kissed the back of Harry's neck sweetly.

"Hon?" he asked, "Why are you doing the dishes, the house elves would do it."

Harry spun around and kissed the father of his gestating child. "It's comforting, besides it gives me an excuse to wear an apron."

"Perhaps we could wash something else for a while." Draco grinned, and they both ran off to the bathroom and started filling the Jacuzzi.


	6. Chapter 6

"Draco!" Harry called from the living room sofa.

"Yeah?"

"While you're out could you stop by the kitchens and get me some pickles and cream cheese?" Harry asked.

"Eww, why?"

"It sounds really good right now, and some guacamole and fudge."

"Yes dear." Draco sighed as he left the suite, knowing that cravings were just the beginning.

"Draco?" Harry whimpered.

"Yes?" Draco sighed.

"My feet hurt."

"All right," Draco chuckled as he started to massage his green-eyed beauty.

Harry sat in his hospital bed at St. Mungo's stroking the head of his new baby. He didn't care about well, about how different it may be. He and Draco still had to come up with a name; they had a few in mind though. Towards the top of the list were Mateo, William, Lexus, Conner, Zoë, Marianna, Nicole, Leopold, Kathryn, Megan, Alex, Jamie, Wesley, Fiona, Xaviere, Lesley, Sydney, Lauren, Orla, Adrian, Ainslie, Camdyn, Geoffrey, Kelsey, Sura, and Joshua.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter it's a healthy beautiful, Oh my god! What the hell is this thing?" the healer screeched.

"What?" Harry screamed. "What's wrong? What happened to my baby?"

"We just have to run some tests; it doesn't seem to be male or female."

"A theoretical third gender that never happens?" Draco asked Harry sarcastically.

"I never said never happens, I said hasn't happened, there's a difference."

"Mr. Potter?" The healer said, "We have you child's test results back, the chromosomes are in fact YY, it was a 25 chance. We are pretty sure that YY can breed with XX to make males 100 of the time, with XY to make males 50 of the time and YYs 50 of the time, or with other YYs for YY 100 of the time. We call its gamete, or sex cell, duo-purpose-gamete, or DPG. Dominant DPGs can fertilize eggs or submissive DPGs and submissive DPGs can be fertilized by sperm, or dominant DPGs. Now when it comes to well, the sex organ itself, it has a penis. However it would still emit dominant DPGs; there is also a sac of submissive DPGs located off a canal that attaches to the rectum. You should be aware the entering sperm or Dominant DPGs would travel up this canal to fertilize the submissive DPGs, and a baby matures in this sac, much like a womb. Any questions?"

"Umm one." Draco said nervously from the corner of the room. "Since the baby exits in the back, would the bulge be in the back?"

"No," the healer answered, "The sac itself is in the front of the body, however as the child would be in the front, but exit in the back birthing would be necessary either squatting or on all fours."

"Would a c-section be possible?" Harry asked, glad that he had one.

"No."

"What about the name?" Harry asked the father of his child.

"You decide Harry; I wouldn't know where to begin." Draco said, knowing how important the name was to the man he loved.

"Xaviere." Harry stated.

"It's beautiful." Draco sighed with relief, "What does it mean?"

"New house." Harry admitted.

"Oh" Draco chuckled. "At least it's pretty."

Harry woke up in his nice warm bed, his baby Xaviere sleeping in a crib just by the bed, and his love Draco still clutch his chest. He glanced at the clock and leapt out of bed.

"Draco!" he hissed, not wanting to wake the baby, "Draco, we've over slept, the NEWTS are in five minutes!"

"Just ten more minutes!" Draco groaned.

"We don't have ten minutes the NEWTS start in five!" Harry said hurriedly as he got dressed and threw some robes on top of Draco, "Where is Dobby?"

"I is right here Harry Potter," Dobby said from the corner.

"Oh, good," Harry rushed, "The baby is sleeping and probably wont wake until I get back after my first test, which will be at 9:30, if…um…it, wakes up before then, there is a bottle of formula in the fridge it needs to be heated to about room temperature. Thank you so much Dobby."

Harry left the room and rushed back in to pull Draco out of bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry starred down at his written exam. Completely blanking out. Who cared if he knew how to tell the difference between a male and female flesh-eating slugs? Until now, he didn't even know there were males and females. Damn this multiple choice, he had better rock the practical, or he was doomed.

Across the room Draco was having a quite different problem, for some reason tests always turned him on. And since he and Harry hadn't had sex for some time, he was having trouble hiding himself, and even more trouble focusing on the genders of flesh eating slugs.

Dobby sat nervously at the edge of the sofa in Harry and Draco's living room, listening intently to every breath the baby took. No one had ever trusted him with something as big as a human life, even if it was an, well, it.

Harry sat between Ron and Hermione, Xaviere sitting contently on his lap. In a little bit, he would give the baby to Hermione, walk up to professor Dumbledore, get his diploma, walk back down, and take his baby. It seemed to him just yesterday he was boarding the Hogwarts express, wondering how his life would change, and here he was, seven years later, and with a beautiful baby, um, it.

'We have to figure out a better name for Xaviere's gender then, it.' Harry whispered to Hermione.

'Well,' Hermione thought, male and female both have male in them, and it seems to look more like a male, how about pseudomale?'

'The fake male?' Harry hissed,

'Sorry, how about neomale, new male?'

'That's better.'

Draco stood on the balcony of his suite with his sweet, holding his hand and gently kissing each knuckle. Harry smiled as the moon shone upon the man he loved, making his hair seem to shine, and his eyes sparkle with a greater luster then before.

Harry was winded as Draco slipped a gold band with a diamond on his left ring finger.

'No,' Harry said, and Draco was at a loss for words until Harry shoved him down on one knee, 'If you're going to do it, do it right.'

Draco cleared his throat and said in his most serious masculine proposal voice he could think of at the moment, kind of like James Bond meets Sherlock Holmes, 'Harry Elizabeth Potter, will you marry me?"

Meanwhile back in Norway, Jacques Tied himself to a flagpole as he saw renovators enter his apartment building.

Harry was running around London and Diagon Alley with Hermione and Ron. He was looking for his tuxedo, Draco's tuxedo, and the suits and dresses for the grooms people. Ron was going to be his best person, and Hermione would be the other groom's person.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Harry bellowed after finishing another unsuccessful trip to another store, 'We've been everywhere in town that sells tuxes, but nothing is quite right.'

'We found loads of stuff in your size Harry,' Ron said, not quite understanding.

'It's not about the size Ronald,' Hermione sighed, 'Men!'

'What?' Ron asked, bewildered, 'What's it about then?'

'The marriage is a celebration of their love,' Hermione said, 'Harry can't show up in rags!'

'Why not?' Ron asked. 'After all, it's about the love, not the clothes.'

'It is about the love.' Hermione agreed, 'But Harry wants to be able to look back on his wedding as perfect.'

'I don't get how clothes are that important.'

'It's a symbol!'

'It's a, um, well it's a, gimme a second…'

Harry and Draco sat on their bed, locked together as if they were joined at the mouth. Draco started to remove his shirt and Harry pulled away.

'Draco, I think we should wait until our honeymoon.'

'But we've done it…' Draco tried to count the times in his head, but soon gave up, 'a lot, all ready.'

'Yes, but it will make it seem more special.'

'Fine,' Draco relented and started to put his shirt back on.

'Oh hell,' Harry grinned as he jumped on top of his fiancée.

'So,' Hermione said, sipping her coffee, and eying the simple gold band with a hauntingly beautiful diamond which caught the small amount of light entering the otherwise dark coffee house and shone rainbows across the walls, 'Where are you and Draco going on your honeymoon?'

'Well, we can't be gone to long, as we're leaving Xaviere with Dean and Seamus.'

'Are they living together?' Hermione perked up.

'Yeah, they just started a week ago.'

'Ooo, I can't wait till he finally proposes.'

'Which one?' Harry chuckled.

'You know,' Hermione thought, 'I really don't know. Anyway, you didn't answer my question, where are you two going?'

'Rome, we're staying in a beautiful hotel on the coast, so from on balcony we have a view of the Mediterranean1 Sea, and from the other balcony, all the old beautiful buildings and small cobble streets. Unfortunately, the small cobble streets will be packed with not so small nuts, the pope died, so it's conclave, and the two favourites are complete opposites.'

'So, a gay couple will be honeymooning in Rome among a heated political religious shindig the pits Catholics with slightly different views against each other?'

'Exactly, should be interesting.'

1 It is very hard to spell Mediterranean, what kind of person would I be without spell check?


	8. Chapter 8

Dobby dabbed his eyes with a hanky as he watched Harry and Draco walk up the isle. On the groom's side, many Griffindors sat, also attending was Tonks, Moody, and other members of the Order, on well, the other groom's side sat Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoys parents, sitting up straight, lips pursed, and not making eye contact with the riff raff their precious baby was marrying into.

"I just don't see why they had to get married," Lucius whispered for the at least seventieth time in the past three minutes and 42.1493869500968574829103948675912148478547856214566666666654484875121215489945242 seconds.

"He got the bloody boy pregnant Lucius." Narcissa sneered back, "Another fine Malfoy tradition."

Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me mister," Narcissa warned, "I said, 'Use some protection,' 'Wont be necessary,' you said, 'I've used a charm,' you said. Nine months later, I find out I'm pregnant, and of course, a few moments later, he popped out!"

"Guess I'll be sleeping on the couch then."

"It really was a lovely ceremony," Hermione said wistfully, hinting at Ron, "A bit unorthodox, what with the handcuffs and all, but lovely."

"I dunno," Ron said, "Why were there little bunnies hopping around."

"Bunnies?" Hermione asked, "I didn't see any bunnies, Ron, did you eat something funny this morning?"

"Just some mini-muffins."

Meanwhile, in Austria…

"The hills are alive, with the sound of music! With songs they have sung for a thousand years!" The lovely nun-ish person's singing was cut short when a strange orange thing came and ate her liver.

Harry and Draco held on to their port key, a pair of handcuffs, and yes, being hand-cuffed to does count as holding on to. Spinning, lots of spinning, and this time, no mini-muffins, until the spinning stopped, and they were in a beautiful hotel room. They were currently in a marble hall, with Corinthian columns along both walls. Inside the second door on the right was a beautiful bathroom, with a Jacuzzi tub, with a shower attachment. The bed room had a soft red carpet, with of-white walls and a king size canopy bed, scarlet sheets of silk and matching throw pillows.

"Pillow fight!" Draco bellowed and ran to the bed and threw a throw pillow at his new husband.

"Draco honestly," Harry giggled.

"Did you just giggle Harry?" Draco chuckled, throwing another throw pillow.

"Maybe I did," Harry said mysteriously, but the laughter swelling up couldn't be contained and he soon burst out into laughter and threw a throw pillow back.

"Surrender now and I'll be merciful!" Draco screeched form behind a wingback chair.

"Never!" Harry shouted defiantly, or as defiantly as he could considering he was barely breathing from laughing so hard, and yet another throw pillow flew in Draco's direction.

"Thar she blows!" Draco bellowed and dove, rather unnecessarily, out of the way. Draco leapt and pinned Harry to the bed, and pressed his lips against Harry's.

"WOOHOO!" Harry screeched, "Negotiations! Peace Treaty! Détente!"

"Treaty of Rome!" Draco continued while grinding his hips into Harry's.

"You're telling me." Harry grinned, arching up to Draco, as the blond fumbled over Harry's shirt's buttons.

"Now," Harry murmured, breathily, as Draco encircled Harry's nipples with his hungry mouth and gently squeezed at Harry's ever growing manhood, "I'll agree to stop throwing the throw pillows if you do, and in the morning you have to clean up."

"The room has people to do that." Draco said through teeth currently clamped gently on Harry's left nipple.

"Really? Well, I hope they knock before entering." Harry gasped from ecstasy. Draco raised his eyebrows and looked perplexed but didn't say anything.

"Its so adorable!" Dean lulled, rocking Xaviere back and forth.

"Very sweet to." Seamus agreed, "And not just the baby."

Dean smiled.

"Dean," Seamus started, nervously but determined, "Seeing what Harry and Draco have got me thinking," he got down to one knee, "I want someone to share my life with, and I want that someone to be you."

"Are you…" Dean gasped

"Yes," Seamus answered.

"Yes!" Dean whispered, he would have jumped up and shouted out the window, but Xaviere had just fallen asleep on his lap.

"Now that's new," Harry said as he felt Draco stick his tongue into his belly button.

"I've been thinking of places to put this,"(A/N Reasons: I tried to take this line out T.T) Draco said suggestively, "If you want me to continue, we'll have to do something about those pesky clothes of yours."

Harry moaned as Draco thrust his hand down Harry's tight-fitting pants, and slowly, teasingly, drew his hand up the other's length. Harry fumbled at his pant's clasp, fearing he would burst before Draco had even begun. Draco smirked, and pressed kisses down Harry's chest, finally reaching his goal as Harry discarded the remains of his clothing.

Draco's tongue snaked around Harry's lower regions and Harry felt his breath catch in his throat. Without warning Draco slid all of Harry into his mouth. Harry gasped again, and forcefully ran his fingers through Draco's long platinum blond hair.

"Feisty," Draco muttered, removing himself from his husband. Harry was too lost to respond.

"You have no idea." Harry hissed seductively, before wrapping his legs around Draco's waist and flipping them both over, giving him a more dominant position. Harry tickled Draco's sides with his tongue. Draco promptly broke out into a fit of giggling.

"Who's giggling now?" Harry chuckled.

"This was a manly giggle!" Draco insisted, still giggling.

"There is no such thing as a manly giggle!"

Hermione sat on the side of the bathtub and when the timer dinged, she looked at her RUPREG test results.

"Shit!" she exclaimed as she saw three red hamsters, "RON!"

"What?" Ron asked.

"I'm pregnant!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it says here: "Three red hamsters indicate pregnant, two purple rhinos indicate not pregnant."

"Well what's that thing at the end of the third hamster?"

"A fish."

"A fish?"

"Yes, a fish."

"What's it there for?"

"I don't know."

"What does it say about fish?"

"Nothing."

"So maybe you're not pregnant."

"Is that even a fish? It looks more like a toad."

"Or a bunny."

"Enough with the bunnies Ron."

"It could be."

"But it's not, maybe it's a pig."

"A pig?"

"Yes a pig."

"What does a pig have to do with pregnancy?"

"They're both pink, except the pregnancy isn't!"

Harry and Draco's fingers intertwined, and Draco's ankles rested gently on Harry's shoulders as Harry moved himself back and forth inside Draco. Draco never felt Harry inside him before, but he soon realized why Harry loved the feeling so much. He felt full, happy, and the gentle brush of Harry's hips against his sent shivers up his spine, but sent warmth through every nerve in his body. He felt Harry's hands tense up and then relax and felt warmth shoot up him.

Harry laid down next to Draco and stroked his arm. Draco leaned over and began to chew on Harry's ear. Draco rolled over so he was lying on Harry, and began to thrust between Harry's closed legs. Every time he came towards Harry he pressed their lips together. Harry caressed the small of Draco's back and traced his finders lightly across Draco, lightly stroking every inch of Draco's body he could reach. Draco tensed up and pressed his lips against Harry's, slowly inserting his tongue, and for a moment, time stopped, and the two men, for the first time in their lives, felt, home.

Draco walked out onto the balcony in just a bathrobe, he could hear Harry sleeping exhaustedly in the room. He hadn't bothered to tie the robe, so a breeze from the sea blew it off.

"Someone's being bashful  
That's no way to be  
Not with me  
Can't you see  
That I am just as embarrassed as you  
And I can understand your point of view  
I've always been SHY  
I confess that I'm SHY  
Can't you guess that this confident air  
Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy  
And you can be sure  
Way down deep I'm demure  
Though some people I know may deny it  
At bottom I'm quiet and pure  
I'm aware that it's wrong to be meek as I am  
My chances may pass me by  
I pretend to be strong, but as weak as I am  
All I can do is try  
God knows I try  
Though I'm frightened and shy  
And despite the impression I give  
I confess that I'm living a lie  
Because I'm actually terribly timid  
And horribly shy  
Though a lady may be dripping with glamour  
As often as not she will stumble and stammer  
When suddenly confronted with romance  
And she's likely to fall on her face  
When she's finally face to face  
With a pair of pants  
Quite often the lady's not as hard to please as she seems  
Quite often she will settle for something less than the man of her dreams  
I'm going fishing for a mate  
I'm gonna look in every brook  
But how much longer must I wait

With baited breath and hook?"

Draco broke out into a spirited dance that ranged all over the balcony, and after knocking a potted plant off, he went back to singing.

"Oh that was WONDERFUL!  
And that is why  
Though I'm painfully shy  
I'm insane to know which sir, You sir?  
Then who sir  
Where sir and when sir  
I couldn't be tenser  
So let's get this done man  
Get on with the fun man  
I am one man  
Shy!"

"Damn tourists." Draco muttered after finally crossing a street filled with slow moving over weight Americans.

"Draco, you're a tourist."

"Yes but not one of those tourists." Draco motioned around him.

"To them you are."

"Fine." Draco relented, pouting his lips.

"Oh shut up." Harry chuckled and got to his tiptoes and smooched those pouted lips.

"I didn't say anything."

"Uh, Dean?" Seamus asked nervously, "Does it usually smell like that?"

"This is so your first time." Dean chuckled, "Yes it does."

"Gross, It's sticky."

"It usually is."

"I'm not good at this."

"Oh for god's sake Seamus, just change the god damn diaper!"


	9. Chapter 9

"I don't get it." Draco said, scrunching his eyebrows

"You just push the buttons that correspond to the numbers you have, then it will let you talk to whoever answers the other phone." Harry explained slowly, trying not to laugh at his husband's blatant ineptitude with a telephone.

"Bloody muggles, with their bugging telephlones!" Draco pouted

"Telephones." Harry corrected, Draco pouted some more. "Oh, get over yourself Draco."

* * *

Fred arched his back, fingers digging into the skin of his twin's back. A loud moan echoed from his lips. George pushed further inside his twin, slamming his cock into his twin's tight ass.

Fred screamed, and then the door was knocked off it's hinges.

Lee Jordan stood panting in the doorway, "Hey, can anyone join?"

* * *

Colin Creevy, or Colin Creepy, depending on whom you ask, sat on his bed. He looked up at his photo collage of Harry, including several pictures he snapped while Harry was showering, or while Harry was changing, or where Harry was having sex. In the sex pictures, Colin had, of course, replaced Harry's partner with pictures of himself. _Now, if only I was really getting fucked by my dearest Harry, instead of just staring at a collage,_ Colin thought as he lay on a bed moving his hands up and down on his well lubricated, but still not very impressive (but at least it was shiny) self.

Colin looked to his side, and was so surprised to see Harry lying there, he practically exploded.

"I'm fed up with Draco, I'm all yours sex muffin!" Harry growled, and Colin jumped on top of him, growling himself, and roughly kissing Harry's neck. Colin ran his hands down Harry's back, reaching and grabbing Harry's ass, wanting to have as much of Harry as he could possibly have.

Colin slid his whole body down Harry's, until his head was level with a mini Harry, much less mini then in the pictures. Colin took as much of mini Harry in his mouth as he could, but it was all lumpy and squishy. It wasn't until he started to gag, when he realized that it was a pillow the whole time.

Colin took the pillow from his mouth, hoping that no one saw him, but he soon realized the other occupiers of the dormitory had returned.

* * *

"It's too small!" Hermione complained.

"Well, I told you I wasn't a medium anymore!" Ron blustered, trying his best to calm down.

"Well excuse me, but you always look so much smaller!" Hermione flustered.

"It isn't going to fit, we can't even get it past the head, and we've been tugging it down for five minutes!" Ron groaned. "Just pull it off, I can do the job without one!"

"I think it's stuck!"

"I can do the job without one, but not with one in the way!"

"I'm sorry! If you would just calm down, we could get it off."

"Just get it off, and I'll paint the goddamn kitchen without the painter's smock!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Twenty-nine and a half miles away, Jacques was hiding in a cave from the demon renovators who were attacking him in his sleep.

* * *

"Fuck, these monkeys are bloody tiny." Draco gasped, pointing at the tiny monkeys.

"Draco," Harry said slowly, "That's because they're sea monkeys."

"I want one," Draco pouted, "pocket sized."

"They're all ready pocket sized."

"Damn, well, I still want one."

Upon hearing this, the salesmen in the mall court rushed up to the two men who were standing with their stroller, watching as the sea monkeys flitted about in the tank. They were wearing cheesy suits and all had leather briefcases filled with useless crap that they peddled to unsuspecting tourists.

"Would you like to buy a new and improved Popsicle stick?" One asked, before Harry cursed him into a comatose state. This seemed to deter the other salesmen.

"But I wanted one." Draco pouted.

"I'll buy you a mini muffin." Harry gave in.

"With that muggle herb?" Draco perked up.

"Yes honey." Harry smiled.

"Umm, sir?" A woman approached Harry and asked, "Why is that baby green?"

"He...um it'ssea sick," Draco answered, "from watching the sea monkeys."

"You don't get sea sick from that" Harry rolled his eyes.

"He...um...it's dying?" Draco gasped. "Our little...uh...it, is dying!"

"No, it's just developing a green colour, the doctors said this might happen." Harry explained.

"And when was I going to be told this?" Draco demanded.

"Oh, Draco, the baby might turn green."

* * *

"Ronald?"

"Yes dear?"

"Don't you 'yes dear' me!"

"Sorry dear."

"Don't 'sorry dear' me, either!"

"I won't dear. What is it?"

"I think I just gave birth."

"What? I couldn't hear you, the TV was too loud."

"I said I just gave birth!"

"Is that normal?"

"RONALD!"


	10. Chapter 10

"Seamus, why is there porn in my sock drawer?"

"Oops . . ."

"Seamus?"

"It's...not...porn."

"I can see it Seamus."

"Damn, I meant it's not mine."

"So the socks are looking at porn?"

"Yes. They've been feeling rather lonely since muggle rock stars stopped using them as condoms."

"My socks know rock stars?"

"Apparently."

"No more porn Seamus."

"It's the socks'!"

"We've been sleeping together for months, why do you need porn?"

"I don't, the socks do."

"Seamus!"

"Ikindalikethekinkystuff."

"What?"

"I said 'I kinda like the kinky stuff'!"

"Oh."

"Could we do the kinky stuff?"

"Which kinky stuff?"

"That one."

"No."

"That one?"

"I'm not flexible enough."

"I am!"

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll go get the tea kettle."

"Um . . . "

* * *

"You're sure this is ok?" Hermione said as she handed Harry her new son Jacob.

"It's fine." Harry reassured her, "Fabala could use a friend."

"I thought it's name was Xaviere?"

"What?" (A/N Reasons: Yeah, don't ask. Oh! By the way, we don't own Wicked, either)

"Well, Ron and I are off to the zoo." Hermione held Ron's hand and they waved goodbye.

"Don't get killed by rampaging hippogriffs!" Draco joked.

"We promise." Ron laughed.

* * *

Jacques looked nervously around the zoo, hiding from the demon renovators that were constantly chasing him. He had fled Norway when they tried to renovate his temple. He tried in vain to scare them away with his whole "rabid vampire squirrel" routine, but they soon cough wise when the squirrel started to twitch and die.

Jacques saw them, with their clipboards of doom. He distracted them by setting free a pair of hippogriffs, who simply ambled out and stood there. So, he threw a herring at them, and everybody knows that hippogriffs are deathly afraid of herrings, so they began to rampage.

* * *

Ron and Hermione bent down to look at a group of seventeen mating wood nymphs.

"That's a lot of wood." Ron observed, "They sure do love to eat that wood." (Reasons: rolls eyes Other person: Teehee)

"Lets continue to bend down," Hermione suggested, "completely oblivious to anything around us."

"Even rampaging hippogriffs?" Ron asked.

"Yes Ron."

* * *

The healers later informed Harry and Draco that Ron and Hermione hadn't died upon contact, but in the time they had wasted finding out if they had died on contact, they died.

"You promised!" Draco cried.

* * *

"Draco!" Harry called, "Fabala needs it's diaper changed!"

"Can't you? I'm washing the dishes!"

"I'm feeding Jacob!"

"I think he's had enough, he's been putting on a lot of weight lately."

"He's a month old, if he wasn't putting on weight, he'd be dead!"

* * *

"Dean," Seamus asked, "Who is your best man?"

"I don't have a best man." Dean answered, and then turned to the man in the tux standing next to him, as the priest babbled on about how marriage is something or another. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Play along." Jacques answered, "I'm hiding from the demon renovators."

Dean and Seamus exchanged vows and rings, and besides the little mishap when Jacques thought that the Queen of England was a renovator, but the doctors think she'll be out of the ward by a year from Tuesday, the ceremony ran rather smoothly. (Reasons: He's gonna be shot . . . Other person: Don't shoot me English people!)


	11. Chapter 11

Meanwhile, twenty-three years later, a third couple walked up to the altar. A green skinned it, who looked stunning in its tuxedo with a long skirt instead of pants, held the hand of it's adopted brother, and walked towards the old man in a dress.

"Robe." The priest corrected. "Do you Fabala Potter Malfoy."

"That's hyphenated." Fabala corrected.

"Fabala Potter-Malfoy, take you, Jacob-"

"Yero."

"What?" Draco whispered to Harry. "I thought his name was Jacob."

"Yero Granger-Weasley-"

"That's not hyphenated," Yero corrected. (A/N Reasons: We still don't own Wicked.)

"Yero Granger Weasley Potter Malfoy"

"That's Malfoy Potter."

"Fuck it. Kiss it."

"What, in public?" Yero asked.

"No you dipshit, you're married, kiss your . . . husbride."

"Fine, but no tip for you!"

Somewhere up above their heads, Remus and Sirius were looking down at the wedding.

Sirius looked at Remus. "What was nice."

Remus smiled, "Yes it was."

"Oh good, so you're horny, too!"

"Fuck, yes!"

Reasons: Thank god. It's done. God bless my laptop. Wait... I am god...shit...

Other person: So what if I can't remember my pen name? I wanted to have the pope kill someone, but Reasons wouldn't let me, since we already probably pissed off the British. Oh, can someone please tell me my pen name?

Reasons: I still have copyright on most of the sex. The good sex. Oh, and hi Ellis. As for having someone get killed by the pope . . .

The Pope: Die, bitch, die! Shoots Reasons' Co-Author

Reasons: Yes! Wasn't that a great ending?

_Fin._


End file.
